i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
