Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I deserve this hangover.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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