nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
