i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
