it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
