just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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