Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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