Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
