ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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