We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
