the day after is always just damage control
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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