My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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