When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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