I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
