nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
