Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
