Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
