i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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