i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
