Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
