We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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