You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
