I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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