Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
