watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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