I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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