i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
