I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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