yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
