yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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