i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
