listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
