No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
