I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my liver is dry heaving
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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