It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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