dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
