hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
