I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
