She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
