i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
