Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
