Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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