You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
