in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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