Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
