and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize