he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
