ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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