"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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