I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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