Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it because I queefed?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
